The New Normal

Well, this is my third week back to work. As I suspected, the 8 hours a day that I'm at my job are the easy part. The insane amount of work and running around packed into my other waking hours? Not so much. Here's a peek at a typical day:

12:30 am: Cole is fussing. Pat him back to sleep.

12:45 am: No dice. Offer binky. Binky outrages him. Spend 20 minutes shushing and walking him back to sleep.

2:30 am: Cole poops. Loudly. Change diaper, nurse him back to sleep.

4:00 am: Cole hates his current swaddle. Switch from SwaddleMe to Woombie or vice versa. Pat back to sleep.

5:00 am: Alarm goes off. Nurse Cole and put him back in his bed.

5:15 am: Shower and make-up.

5:45 am: Wake Hubs. Head to the kitchen to finish making lunches I started making last night - add fresh fruit, beverages, etc. Fix Cole's bottles for the day.

6:10 am: Cole is crying. Attempt to get him back to sleep. He's all smiles. Guess he's up for the day. Change his diaper and set him up in the swing.

6:30 am: Get dressed and finish packing daycare bag.

6:45 am: Jake is up. He requests cereal, juice and a show to watch. 

7:00 am: Make myself a smoothie for my commute.

7:05 am: Throw in a load of diapers for their cold soak cycle.

7:10 am: Pack my pumping bag, lunch bag and work tote with my essentials for the day.

7:15 am: Load our 37 bags into the car.

7:25 am: Coats on kids, kids in car seats.

7:30 am: Drop off kids at sitter's house. Lament how tired I am. Goodbye kisses and hugs.

7:35 am: Enjoy smoothie and 25 minutes of quiet on the way to work.

8:00 am: Arrive at work. First pumping session of the day.

8:30 am: Work day officially starts.

9:00 am: The parent who scheduled an appointment with me is late, and when she does arrive, the meeting takes much longer than expected, which makes me late for my 10:00 meeting with the student support team.

10:20 am: Roll in to student support team meeting 20 minutes late. This meeting also runs over.

11:00 am: Eye the clock. Need to pump again but meeting hasn't concluded.

11:40 am: Meeting adjourns and I'm making a dash to my office when one of our agency partners tracks me down. A student of hers has procrastinated on a needed letter of recommendation. Can I write one by the end of the day? Sure, you got it.

11:50 am: Second pumping session of the day. Check email and voicemail.

12:15 pm: Phone call from main office. A child protective services caseworker is here and needs to meet with a student. Find the student and meet with the caseworker.

12:45 pm: STARVING. Going to grab lunch when colleague calls with a question about AP testing. Take my lunch to her office to discuss.

1:00 pm: Meet with a student about the financial aid award letters she has received from the schools she applied to. Track down our resident financial aid guru to answer some additional questions.

1:20 pm: Write requested letter of recommendation, return phone calls, follow up on loose ends for the day.

2:00 pm: Conduct pre-administration session with an AP class. Stay to hear their oral presentations on mad cow disease.

2:45 pm: Cell phone duty.

3:00 pm: Work day concludes.

3:15 pm: Pump as I drive home. Yes, it can be done and yes, both my hands are on the wheel.

3:30 pm: Stop at town recreation department to sign Jake up for preschool summer playground program.

3:50 pm: Make a quick stop at home to unload my bags, wash my pump parts and tidy up the disaster I left in my wake that morning.

4:00 pm: Pick up the kids. Lament how tired I am.

4:15: General chaos as we arrive home for the day. Unpack bags, play with Jake, nurse Cole, start diaper laundry on its hot wash cycle.

5:00 pm: Heat up defrosted freezer meal. Throw diapers in the dryer.

5:20 pm: Eat dinner with Jake while jiggling tired baby on my lap.

5:40 pm: Clean up from dinner.

6:00 pm: Bathe the boys and wrestle them into their jammies.

6:30 pm: Pace around with very tired baby and wish husband was home.

7:00 pm: Hubs arrives home.

7:05 pm: Nurse Cole before bed.

7:30 pm: Cole is sleeping. Iron outfit for tomorrow.

7:45 pm: Join the big boys for bedtime stories and songs.

8:00 pm: Jake is in bed. Finish cleaning up in kitchen and get a head start on packing lunches for tomorrow.

8:30 pm: Collapse on the couch with a brownie sundae and stare mindlessly at the TV for awhile.

8:45 pm: Fold and stuff clean diapers.

9:00 pm: Cole is crying. Do the old binky and patting routine to get him back to sleep.

9:15 pm: Wash face, brush teeth, pjs.

9:30 pm: Last pumping session of the day.

10:00 pm: Fall into bed. Surf Facebook for 3 minutes before passing out.

10:45 pm: Cole is crying. Shush, shush, pat, pat. OMG so tired.

Rinse and repeat 4 times. Is it Friday yet? 

Dear Baby Boy,

One of our most special times together has come to an end. It seems like just yesterday you were kicking me from the inside and I was longing to meet you, and now you're here and I can't imagine my life without you. These last 3 months have flown by far too fast. I knew they would, but somehow it still surprised me. 

I have loved every gurgle, every smile, every changing table chat. Every frigid morning snuggled up and playing with Big Brother. Every errand we ran together, every time we sat down to nurse, even in the middle of the night. In fact, maybe I loved it the most in the middle of night, just you and me in the big quiet world, with snow falling softly outside your bedroom window. And it was almost always snowing since you were born, little man! You came into the world during the coldest, snowiest, longest winter I can remember. We didn't go many places on our little baby vacation, but that's ok, because hibernating with you and your brother was more special than any place we could have gone. Spring is coming (I hope!) and lots of adventures await us.

Mommy is going to miss you so much, my little sidekick. Thank you for a wonderful first 3 months. Always know that even when we're not together, I'm thinking of you and full of love for you!

xoxo,

Mommy

Back to the Grind

In two weeks, I head back to work after 14 weeks of maternity leave. It's a very bittersweet feeling, and that is saying a lot. The first time I went back to work after having Jake, I was a complete wreck and I would have told you there was nothing I wanted to do less in the world. However, having done it and lived to tell the tale once, I can see the positive side of working. It's not that I mind the working part itself; I like my job, I like the adult contact during the day, I like having a reason to put on some make-up and a pair of heels, and I really like sitting down for lunch, chatting with colleagues and eating my meal with both hands ;-) It's the little things, after all. It also provides me with a 25 minute commute each way - that's a total of 50 minutes a day where I'm peacefully, blissfully alone - to listen to music, chat on the phone (hands free, of course) or just sit quietly and decompress. As an introvert through and through, those 50 minutes are really valuable to me and they power me through the crazy times!

But then, there's this...

...my hearts. My loves. They fill my days with snuggles and belly laughs and make-believe. Stories, and hugs and "I love you Mommy's." Made-up songs, and shared snacks, and sometimes tears and chaos. I welcome all of those things. But leaving them behind each day is hard. It's hard to ask my big guy "how was your day?" instead of being there to experience it. It's hard to kiss sweet cheeks and walk out the door. It's really hard when they're sick and I have to choose - do I call in for the 47th time this year or go to work and worry about them all day? Being a working mom is a challenge, no doubt about it.

But you know what I detest most of all? What I call The Grind. The daily routines that take up my precious minutes during the day - the ones that if I don't do them, will cause me to fail big time at working mommy-hood. That's what I'm dreading about going back to work. Meal planning and grocery shopping on the weekend when the stores are at their most crowded. Unpacking and repacking endless bags - mine and theirs. Making lunches at 9:00 at night. Ironing my outfit for the next day after that. It seems like my days are just a never-ending series of tasks to set us up for success for the one after that. Sleep, and repeat. I hate that these things take time away from being with my family. I hate that Monday - Friday feels like all work and no fun. I really hate that my husband doesn't get home from work until 7 pm, and our evenings feel like a dash to bed time. So for now, I'll soak up every (relatively) relaxed minute of these last two weeks. Read some extra stories. Savor every morning that the three of us sleep in past eight o'clock. Log some extra snuggles and play some extra games. Maybe those things will give me the stamina to get me to summer vacation!

   

Perfect Pancakes

Even though I really enjoy cooking and baking (or at least, I do when I don't have two hungry, crabby kids to contend with at dinner time), for the longest time Hubs and I laughed about the fact that I was really terrible at making pancakes. It was comical and frustrating at the same time - no matter what mix or recipe I tried, I turned out overcooked, undercooked, burned, limp, tasteless flapjacks that were consistently either too thin or too thick. I just couldn't get it right. I was tempted to give up, but I couldn't let a bowl of batter get the better of me. After MUCH trial and error, I believe I've discovered the perfect homemade pancake mix. It's adapted from this recipe and it makes totally scrumptious pancakes and waffles! I personally love mine with butter and strawberry jam, and I have been known to make them for dinner ;) I hope your family loves them too!

Delicious Whole Wheat Pancakes

*This recipe makes a large amount of dry mix; simply store in an airtight container. It will make several batches of pancakes or waffles.

3 cups whole wheat flour

3 cups unbleached white flour

1/3 cup sugar

2 tablespoons baking powder

1 tablespoon baking soda

2 teaspoons kosher salt

To make the batter, you will need:

1 cup pancake mix

1 egg

1 cup buttermilk (I rarely have real buttermilk on hand. However, I do create a convincing substitute by adding a tablespoon of lemon juice to a cup of regular milk. It works great and adds a bright, fresh flavor to the finished product.)

1 tablespoon oil (vegetable, canola, peanut, etc)

1 teaspoon vanilla

Whisk together the egg, milk, oil and vanilla. Combine with the dry mix and stir until just combined. Do not over mix. Preheat a griddle or pan over medium heat. I used to use butter in the pan to prevent sticking, but I've found that non-stick cooking spray works much better. Use 1/3 cup batter per pancake. Turns out my major mistake was cooking them at too high a heat - turn that burner down to medium low! Cooking them low and slow is the key to perfect pancakes, people! Perfect pancakes people - there's some alliteration for your Thursday ;) Flip only once, when small bubbles form on the surface. Serve with your favorite toppings - in our house that includes real maple syrup, Nutella, jam, and Trader Joe's Speculoos Cookie Butter. Not all at once of course!

Cole's Nursery: Finishing Touches

Cole's nursery (or "mommy's room," as Jake calls it, since I'm still sleeping up there) is finally finished! It was basically ready for him when he arrived, but was missing all the final touches that I didn't quite get to. I was still mulling them over when he was due, anyway! I'm so pleased with how it turned out:

The view when you walk in the door

The tree branches and birds are new. Now before you go saying "those branches aren't level" - I know. I was going for realism, since real tree branches don't generally come out at 90 degree angles. But to me they just kind of look crooked and I'm not sure I can live with that.

But how cute are those little birdies??? In case you're interested, they're by a company called "Wallies" and I got them on Amazon. They have many different themes and they're great - no paint or wall damage at all.

Nursing nook. We've already spent many hours together in that glider :)

Changing area...which I almost never use. We have a changing station downstairs in our bedroom that I use pretty much all the time. And when I do change him upstairs I frequently do so on the floor next to the changing table, since I've whacked my head on the slanted ceiling more than once.

I made this print on Picmonkey. If you don't use it, you should!

I finally got around to having this photo printed. Cole's birthday...seems like so long ago now!

My daybed cover also finally came in!

A little storage behind the door, and his activity mat from Grandma G. He talks to the little hanging frog and beaver every morning while I tidy up his room.

This letter C was the result of me getting my craft on - felt so good to be creative! I just Mod-Podged some scrapbook paper onto a store-bought monogram. Wonderful stuff, Mod-Podge.

All for this little man! Love him so much!

For Comparison's Sake

Though I occasionally see an expression or facial  feature that bears some resemblance to each other, by and large I feel our boys look very different:

A Breastfeeding High and a Breastfeeding Low

High: In the 12 months that I nursed Jake, I did so in a lot of random places - airports, restaurants, planes, doctor's offices, even a wedding reception. Never once did I draw attention - positive or negative - from anyone. So imagine my surprise when, only a month into nursing Cole, I drew some attention from a very unlikely source. My mom and I were out and about and stopped to grab lunch at Wendy's. Cole has some sort of freaky baby radar that lets him know whenever Mommy is about to enjoy a meal, so that he can start squawking for food too. As he employed his baby radar that day, I hastily tossed my pashmina over us to cover him as he nursed while I kept munching my french fries. And then I heard this: "Excuse me, ma'am!" At first, I didn't pay any attention, because I figured whoever was speaking wasn't addressing me. Then the voice persisted: "With the baby?" It was a male voice, and when he said that, I had a momentary inner freak out. This guy is totally going to ask me to go to the restroom or my car to feed my baby, I thought. I was still considering what an appropriate response would be when I nervously looked up. And what I saw was a total surprise. An elderly man flashed me a toothy grin and a big thumbs-up. "Good for you! Glad to see it!" he called across the restaurant (which in turn made everybody look. Hello, fellow Frosty lovers. Nothing to see here.). After glancing down to make sure that the "it" he was referring to wasn't a part of my anatomy I'd rather not display, I squeaked out a thank you and he went on his way. It was so unexpected and from such an unlikely source that I'm still thinking about it!

Low: The beast that is yeast. Cole and I are suffering a bout of thrush. I never had to deal with this while nursing Jake and man is it a pain (literally - it is making nursing uncomfortable). Everything that comes in contact with us needs to be sterilized on daily basis until we're done being treated. There's conflicting opinions about whether my sizable freezer stash of pumped milk should be tossed or not. I'm siding with those who feel it's ok to keep and use it  because I don't think I'm strong enough to throw away a good 80 - 100 ounces of breastmilk. Ready to put this part of nursing behind us!