Monday, April 25, 2011

Anything you can do, I can do...quieter

I love my little munchkin to the moon and back, but let's face it, he is the most sensitive sleeper I have ever met. If the stars are not in perfect alignment, he's not going to sleep. I remember the day he was born, he slept the entire day - couldn't even rouse him to nurse, despite my (and 4 or 5 nurses') best efforts. I thought "wow, this is easy!" Ha. Oh naive new mama, the joke was definitely on you. When we brought him home many people told us to carry on as usual and not try to be quiet while he was sleeping, lest he get used to sleeping in a totally quiet environment. I get the logic there, but that lasted about a week before I started tiptoeing around in a desperate attempt not to wake him up when I managed to get him to sleep in the first place. I should have put signs at every door that said "If you knock on this door, the dog will go bezerk and wake my baby and then very bad things will happen to you." Yes, that means you Jehovah's Witnesses who came to the door when Sweetie Pea was a mere 5 days old, I was a hot mess and he had finally fallen asleep at the breast, which meant that at least one of them was on display.

What does all of this mean? It means I have developed an uncanny ability to live in a near mime-like state when my child is sleeping. Here is a list of things I can do without making a sound:
Change, fold and put away loads of laundry
Go up and down stairs without so much as a creak
Wash, dry and put away dishes (even pots and pans!)
Feed the dog
Pee (that's talent)
Make a meal
Intercept the mail/FedEx/UPS guy before he lays a knuckle on my door
Host a small cocktail party (kidding)

I have in fact become so adept at walking around silently that I've inadvertantly scared Hubs several times by sliding up behind him. This causes him to yelp quite loudly and me to lecture him on the very real possibility that he could meet the same fate at the Jehovah's Witnesses. Oh sleep, when will you return to our house? And when you do, will I even know how to pee normally anymore? ;-)


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